Sex And Self Respect

Sex and Self Respect. Can you have both? I know everyone is saying 'Of Course!' And I believe you can, too. But at what point do the lines become blurred and self respect starts fading away?

I'm not sure what got me thinking about this subject, but it's been weighing pretty heavily on my mind. Perhaps it is hearing stories from my brother about his job-he's a corrections officer. Or maybe it's because I live in a college town and see this stuff all the time. I think one other thing is that some of my friends have teenage daughters and I hear their stories of other kids at school. There is, of course, the issue that I was once a teenager and a college student. I'm not going to sit here and preach save it till marriage, I can't be hypocritical. I will, however, encourage my daughter to do so and tell her the truth about my past. What I am going to talk about is how easily girls are giving it up, the conditions in which they are doing so and with the complete wanton disregard to their physical and emotional health. I guess I primarily just have questions, and perhaps someone out there can answer them for me.

I'll start with what I remember happening in Junior High School. I was a cheerleader and had to ride the bus to and from games with the football and basketball players. I remember sitting there in a seat with one of my friends and glancing over to the seat beside us and seeing another cheerleader and a player heavily making out with hands up skirts and down pants. I remember thinking back then that anyone and everyone who wanted to see what those two were doing could and that I personally found it "gross" (I was in 7th grade!). So fast forward a few years. Now I'm a sophomore in high school taking a break from cheerleading and playing cymbals in the band. Band members were having sex on the band bus to and from games and competitions and during the 3rd quarter of football games. Puhlease, people! Is a smelly, cramped school bus really that much of a turn on? All of this was taking place at least 15 years ago. Today, kids as young as 4th grade are exchanging oral sex on their way to school and from school and taking sexually explicit pictures with their cell phones and exchanging them on the bus like it's no big deal. At what point have we let our kids down and taught them oral sex isn't real sex, sexting is just another form of communication and self respect isn't a big deal, either?

I mentioned that I live in a college town. I live near a notable party school. We've managed to make it in the Top Ten for the past million years, it seems. I did my fair share of partying in college and I frequented the bars. I can tell you, however, that I have never had sex with a random person in the bathroom at a bar, in a booth at a bar, standing against the wall in a bar, on the pool table at a party, on the porch at a party or anywhere else in a bar or at a party. Why are young people doing this? I know alcohol makes you lose inhibition, but that makes me answer the question, why let yourself get that drunk? I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the guys and labeling the girls the victims, I simply want to know, as a female, why we are essentially whoring ourselves out and tossing self respect and health by the wayside? I remember walking into the bathroom of one the local bars and seeing a girl putting her clothes on, makeup smeared everywhere and hair a mess. I asked if she was ok, thinking maybe she had been assaulted, but the answer I got was along the lines of "Yeah! I'm fine! I just got laid!" I literally stared blankly at her as she went on her way back to mingle at the bar. I later saw her leaving with another random guy. If someone out there reading this practices this lifestyle, can you please fill me in? What makes this exciting or fun or whatever you think it is?

A few years ago Playboy was doing a spread on the hottest college girls or something of that nature. The audition line at our school was twice as long as any lines for athletic events, let alone academic events and female class attendance was down. This made stop and think about girls priorities these days. Is being plastered, naked, across a magazine more exciting and important than a football game or going to class? I know it's probably a silly question because many will say YES! But I really don't think that Playboy spread is going to get you much in the future...except maybe another centerfold IF you're "lucky".

One story that sticks out in my mind vividly from my brother's work is about a college-aged girl who was brought in for public intox wearing her dress upside down. Yes, upside down. Spaghetti straps dangling along her thighs. She was being searched by a female officer who was looking for drugs, weapons, etc in her undergarments when the officer made the comment "you're not wearing underwear." The girls response was, "Oh! I must have lost those too!" Excuse me? How on God's green earth can you lose your underwear?

Ok, these are my experiences with what I consider having a complete lack of self respect. I just cannot imagine giving my body away to so many people for no reason other than being drunk or bored. I've had two partners in my life and though I sometimes wish I had waited for marriage, I do not regret my boyfriend before I met my husband. I cared for him and didn't give it up to him the minute I met him. I've always put too much importance on my physical and emotional health to allow myself to act this way. You can have sex and still respect yourself, but are you really respecting yourself when you change bed buddies more often than you change underwear?